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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30059424">Nightmares 1</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hhhhusername/pseuds/hhhhusername'>hhhhusername</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Together, for better and for worse (and so far mostly worse) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Comfort, Established Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith, Horror, M/M, Nightmares, One Shot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:07:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,075</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30059424</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hhhhusername/pseuds/hhhhusername</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi didn’t hate every part of being a soldier, in a way he had chosen this life and, in this world, he knew fighting was the right thing to do but sometimes, often even, he just wished for a peaceful life with the man he loved. A life without death, without guilt, without fear. A life without nightmares.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi Ackerman &amp; Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Together, for better and for worse (and so far mostly worse) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182194</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Nightmares 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story is set after/during the events of S1, and contains some very minor S1 spoilers.<br/>There is also some small reference to the previous work of this series ("It's not a date until it involves Champagne and murder attempts"), but I believe for the most part this fic can be understood on its own.</p><p>I regret writing this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The screams started again. Piercing and fathomless at first, then becoming clearer, more precise. The obscure shrieking slowly shaped itself into a song, an incantation. It kept chanting a name: “Levi, Levi, Levi'', in its earsplitting voice.<br/>The captain looked around. The forest he was walking in was becoming darker and darker. He couldn’t identify the voice’s location, it seemed like it was coming from everywhere at once. He started walking faster. The headquarters were not far, if he was fast enough, he could probably make it home before night. He had to. Before whatever was out there could get him. </p><p> </p><p>The voice was getting closer and closer and the night was almost upon him, yet despite walking as fast as he could, Levi barely moved. He started to run. With the growing obscurity, the trees around him started taking weird and foreign shapes, almost looking alive. He couldn’t run very quick, his feet seemed to be getting stuck in some strange, thick substance on the floor. Using the ODM gear would be faster, why didn’t he do it sooner? Was it even here before ? He wasn’t sure, but it didn’t matter. He propelled himself in the trees. From here he could see the towers of the headquarters. Something wasn’t right. They were a lot more distant than they should have been. He used his equipment to fly through the trees, closer to home. Until the cables broke.</p><p> </p><p>He fell.</p><p>He expected to hit the ground but he just kept falling and falling, further down, until the forest disappeared. The voice shifted again into a new scream. It was calling for him, but not in the predatory way the previous one had. It was love and despair. A woman’s voice. Levi frowned as he kept falling towards hell. He knew that voice.</p><p>“Mom ?”</p><p>He finally hit the ground. </p><p> <br/>He immediately felt the warmness of the gross liquid surrounding him. He closed his eyes, praying, hoping that the substance wasn’t what all his senses were telling him it was. Feeling the liquid levels rising around him, he finally made an effort to look at it. Red. Blood. Levi felt nauseous. He stood up. The thick liquid was going up to his ankles and was rising. Disgusted, Levi looked for a way out. He could see some sort of river banks, about 30 meters away. He started walking towards it. He hadn’t done 10 meters when a thick fog enveloped him. Ignoring it, Levi kept going straight, as the river of blood kept rising. It was almost up to his knees now. He tripped over something and fell. Grossed out, he ragefully searched for what made him fall. He grabbed something. It was pretty large and had a round shape. He took a look at it. As soon as he understood what it was he threw it away by reflex. The lifeless head was floating a few meters away, staring at him with her large emerald eyes. Levi tried to repress the panic attack he felt coming. Petrified, he helplessly looked at the head as the river flow brought it back to him. He gasped in shock when he saw the severed head open her mouth. </p><p>“Why did you abandon me ?”</p><p>“I’m sorry Isabel, I didn’t mean to” the captain cried, “I never imagined-”, he was hyperventilating, this was too much, he was going to be sick. “I’m sorry”, he repeated, “I loved you.” he sobbed, still looking at the dead body of the girl he had loved like a sister, still unable to move.</p><p> </p><p>He stayed there, immobile, shocked, hypnotized by Isabel’s green gaze, for what felt like an eternity. The blood level was still rising. The dark liquid was now up to his waist. He was pulled out of his trance when something lightly brushed his side. Suddenly aware of his environment again, he looked around. He was surrounded by what seemed to be a dozen bodies, probably more, the fog didn’t allow him to tell for sure. He recognized Petra, Oluo, Eld, Gunther, and so many more. People he had loved, people he had hated, people he never even really knew. All of them, people who died because of him. The thing he had felt touching him was an arm. It belonged to Farlan. Levi looked at them with horror. They all stared back at him and together, they all asked in unison,</p><p>“Levi, why did you abandon us ?”</p><p>Levi started running.</p><p> </p><p>Levi ran through the blood river, ignoring the voices calling for him, the hands trying to grab him and the ever rising liquid. The captain felt the guilt invade his heart, suffocating him as he was abandoning his companions once again. He tripped several times, had more and more difficulties to run, but he never stopped. Eventually when the substance hit his chest he resolved himself to swim. He was not a great swimmer and this wasn’t water. He advanced with difficulties, struggling to keep his head up. He accidentally swallowed some of the dark liquid. The warm and disgusting taste of blood in his mouth made him sick. He finally reached the river banks and, out of breath, he dragged himself out of the red matter. He stripped off his clothes. He couldn’t wash himself but he felt the need to get as much of this execrable substance away from him. Ignoring the sudden cold air on his bare skin he advanced in the dark, not sure where to go. A warm light caught his attention, it seemed like someone lit a small fire nearby. With very little reassurance, Levi walked towards the fire, maybe this was finally the end to his misery.<br/>It wasn’t.</p><p> </p><p>As he approached, he found three men sitting together, eating something. They were turning their backs to Levi. He noticed with horror that it wasn’t a campfire that was burning, it was one of the men. Levi was silently trying to back down when the burning man turned his head. Despite his melting flesh, Levi recognized him. Ryker, a man he had let burn to death almost two years ago. The horrible burnt face had what resembled a smile. </p><p>“Come and join us”</p><p>Levi wanted to run away, but his feet seemed to be stuck in the ground. Was he paralyzed by fear or was it something else, retaining him against his will ? The two other men also turned around and faced him. Levi recognized them as Ryker’s companions. One, he had beaten to death, still wore the mark of Levi’s knuckles on his body. While it wasn’t as terrifying as Ryker’s calcined face, Levi still shivered with horror at the sight of the man’s broken body. His face was bruised, red and purple, difformed by the captain’s hits. Levi felt guilt submerge him. <em> His work </em>. The last man stared at him. He tried to talk but only managed to choke, the wide cut spreading across his throat forbidding him from saying articulate words.</p><p> </p><p>Levi looked away. He couldn’t bear to watch these men, who all died because of him. He felt the blood drying on his naked skin and suddenly understood what it was. Why he deserved it. He was a murderer, and this red liquid impregnating every pore of his skin was here to remind him of it. His eyes fell on what the men were eating. It looked like meat. Raw meat. But the shape of it was strange. Levi looked closer, trying to identify what animal it was. It was when he saw the fingers, hanging from one of the men’s hand, that he understood: it wasn’t an animal. Still unable to run away, Levi stared in horror as the bruised man reached down for something and handed it to him.</p><p>“Do you want some ?”</p><p>It was a human head. It had been skinned, some parts were missing. The person’s traits were unrecognizable, but the eyes were still in their sockets, emptily staring at him. Those eyes, Levi would know them anywhere. He screamed.</p><p>“Erwin !”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Levi’s eyes flew open. Out of breath, he scanned his surroundings, still not fully awake. As he calmed down, he remembered where he was. He was in his bed, in his room. He was safe. Well, technically it wasn’t exactly <em> his </em> bed and <em> his </em>room. He anxiously turned his head to search for the reassuring shape of the commander, who was slowly waking up by his side. He opened some concerned eyes. Exactly the same beautiful blue eyes from his dream, but full of life this time. Levi exhaled with relief. </p><p>“Levi, are you okay ?” Erwin asked in a soft but tired voice.</p><p>“Nightmare…” simply answered Levi, rubbing his face. His cheeks were wet. Sweat or tears ? Probably both. Levi never cried when he was awake but damn, he was a fucking fountain when he slept. Luckily, no one was here to see him like that, except Erwin, but that was okay. Levi trusted him enough to let himself be vulnerable like this around him. </p><p>Erwin gave him a soft look. “Again ?”</p><p>Levi forced a smile, “Sorry I woke you up”</p><p>Erwin shook his head, to show him it wasn’t a problem, and reached out to take his partner in his arms.</p><p>Levi backed off. “Don’t touch me, I’m gross !” While it wasn’t here anymore, he could still feel the blood that covered his body in his dream and he felt disgusted by it. His skin was also sticky with sweat. Erwin didn’t seem to care, he pulled his boyfriend close to him. Levi let him. He snuggled in his partner’s arms and buried his face in his chest. The regular beats of Erwin’s heart reassured him. He was alive. Levi closed his eyes. He could feel the strength of Erwin’s arms around him, the warmness of his body and his scent...Levi let out a small sigh, Erwin’s scent always managed to relax him. The tall man planted a kiss on his partner’s head, before drifting back to sleep. He wasn’t going to ask about Levi’s nightmare. He never did. It wasn’t something Levi wanted to talk about. All he could do was to give him some comfort. </p><p> </p><p>Levi remained here, in the reassuring warmth of the other man’s body until the first rays of light hit him. He didn’t fall back asleep. He never did. Once he was awake, Levi always remained awake. Out of fear of falling back into his nightmares maybe. He would rather be exhausted in the morning but fully enjoy Erwin’s presence than get some unrestful sleep. He would rather keep his eyes open and fill them with the beautiful sight of his lover sleeping by his side than close them and watch the same senseless horrors over and over again, even though he had to admit he slept better when he was with Erwin. Sure, he still had difficulties falling asleep and only ever managed to really sleep a few miserable hours at night but it was better than none at all, and he still had nightmares pretty often but less than he used to. Besides, now he wasn’t alone when he woke up, screaming, sweating and crying. Erwin was here to comfort him. Erwin was always here. </p><p> </p><p>These quiet times at nights were one of the rare ones where he was sure Erwin wasn’t going to disappear out of his sight. It was those rare moments when he could allow himself to imagine that they were at peace, that there was no war, no danger, only them. That the violence in this world only existed in his nightmares. Levi didn’t hate every part of being a soldier, in a way he had chosen this life and in this world, he knew fighting was the right thing to do, but sometimes, often even, he just wished for a peaceful life with the man he loved. A life without death, without guilt, without fear. A life without nightmares.  </p><p> </p><p>The first rays of light started peeking through the curtains, shining on Erwin’s golden eyelashes. Soon, he will wake up and soon they will have to get up, to return to their crazy lives. Levi lovingly brushed some blond hair out of the handsome man’s face. Soon, but not now. He snuggled back against Erwin’s chest and smiled. They still had a few minutes of peace before the day started. For now, they were together, they were safe and it’s all that mattered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for this, I promise part 4 is happy</p></blockquote></div></div>
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